Life Lessons, for the Grandchildren and Beyond

On a Friday evening in April 2018, I had the pleasure of sitting at the dining room table with Grandpa Ralph and Grandma Ella, and what fun we had laughing and sharing life stories and lessons learned. These are just excerpts of our conversation about family and life, but these represent wisdom from our elders shared with their children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, and beyond. 

"I'm in Charge of My Career"... or Maybe Not 5:58 min

Be True to Yourself, Have Faith 0:35 min

On Overcoming Trials and Forgiveness 5:09 min

Cherish These Days 1:08 min

Got Ancestor Photos?

Hello cousins far and wide!

George Findlay in WWI - Back Row, 5th from Right

I've been working to organize the handful of ancestor photos that I have (many of which have been posted here on the blog), and I thought I'd inquire to see what photos other family members might have as well.

Maybe you have some ancestor photos on display at your home? Or in a photo album? Or in an envelope tucked away in a drawer? Or in a shoe box on a closet shelf?

Caroline Smith Love Rogers -
Sister to Charlesina Smith Love Findlay

If you don't mind scanning or taking a digital photo of them (even on your smartphone), I'd love to expand our collective family's "album" and make it available to anyone who's interested.

Feel free to reach out to me via the contact form at the bottom of this page if you have something to share! And likewise, send me a note through the same form if you'd like a higher resolution version of any photo posted to the blog.

Thank you! - KF

Williamina/Wilhilmina/Wilhelmina - A Rose By Any Other Name...

Wilhelmina Inkster Bruce/Campbell

In his play Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare penned, “What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” It’s true that what matters is who a person is rather than what their name is...and in this case how their name is spelled or how it’s pronounced.

That being said, when it comes to how to spell Grandma Ella’s great grandmother's name, it’s something that keeps me up at night. After all, her name will be inscribed on her daughter’s granite memorial, Ursilla Katherine Bruce Beattie.(1) I want to get it right!

On 10 March 1835, a daughter was born out of wedlock to William Inkster and Margaret Graham. (Read more about her life here and here.) According to what Grandma Ella was taught, she was called “WILL-yum-INE-A,” but how might that have been spelled?

In researching this and trying to come to a conclusion on which spelling to adopt as “official,” here’s an overview of records I've found - parish, statutory, and family records - with different spellings of her name throughout her life:(2)

• Parish birth record for Williamina Inkster, 13 March 1835
• Census entry for Williamina Inkster, 1841, when she was still in her father William's household
• Bruce family register that mentions marriage of Robert and Wilhelmina, 1 May 1855
• Statutory birth register for Robert and Wilhilmina's son Robert, 6 July 1857
• Statutory birth register for Robert and Wilhilmina's daughter Ursilla, 20 Feb 1862
• Census entry for Wilhilmina, 1861
• Statutory marriage register for Wilhelmina and 2nd husband, Duncan Campbell, 24 Feb 1870
• Statutory birth register for Alexander Campbell, son of Wilhelmina from her 2nd husband, 25 Nov 1870
• Statutory death register for Wilhelmina, 28 Dec 1896
• A note from Gma Ella sent to me in 2014 that says she has always gone by the spelling Williamina
• A handwritten family group sheet from Grandma Ella’s mother, Ursilla Katherine Bruce Beattie Findlay (“Grandma Kate”) with the spelling as Wilhelmina. This is Grandma Kate’s grandmother whose name spelling we’re debating. Although Wilhelmina passed away before Grandma Kate was born, she was the closest person to her that we knew.

Now it’s true that perhaps even if her name was spelled as Wilhilmina or Wilhelmina, that it could have still been pronounced as “WILL-yum-INE-A.” Sometimes names are not necessarily pronounced phonetically, so we can’t always make an assumption about a name’s pronunciation from 180+ years ago.

And it’s true that sometimes in this bygone era, a person was not literate, so a registrar would make his best guess when recording that person’s name on an official document. And thus it’s hard to confirm one “official” spelling.

We could debate that her name should be spelled as Williamina, as it appears that that’s how her father had intended it. Or we could debate that it should be Wilhelmina, as many of the official records later in her life were spelled that way - perhaps that was the spelling that she adopted and used (assuming she was literate, or literate enough to spell her name later in her life).

Ultimately, we recognize that there is probably no “right” way to spell her name considering this time in history. And anyone versed in family history will know that spelling variations are common so when researching ancestors it’s a best practice to search on the spelling variations also.

But I still wish there were one, definitive, right way. ;)

……….

Sources and Notes:

1. More on finding the unmarked grave of Wilhelmina’s daughter, Ursilla Katherine Bruce Beattie, here (https://greatflyingscots.blogspot.com/2017/05/john-mcdonald-and-ursilla-katherine.html).
2. Most of these documents I found on ScotlandsPeople (https://scotlandspeople.gov.uk), though the Bruce family register is a copy that Grandma Ella shared with me - I’m not sure where the original is or who shared the copy with her. I’m in the process of posting documents to FamilySearch (https://www.familysearch.org/), but if you’d like a copy of them in the meantime, send me an email and I can share them with you directly.

Wilhelmina Inkster Bruce/Campbell is Ella's great grandmother.

It Is Good to Look to the Past

It is good to look to the past to gain appreciation for the present and perspective for the future. It is good to look upon the virtues of those who have gone before, to gain strength for whatever lies ahead. It is good to reflect upon the work of those who labored so hard and gained so little in this world, but out of whose dreams and early plans, so well nurtured, has come a great harvest of which we are the beneficiaries. Their tremendous example can become a compelling motivation for us all.

- Gordon B. Hinckley

Our Family Lost and Found - It Continues…

Several years ago, we shared on this blog how Ella got in touch with distant cousins she didn’t realize she had - these were relatives on her mother’s side who are living in Shetland. What’s really neat: We recently had a similar experience as we met for the first time cousins on Ella’s father’s side - the details are below.

As the generations continue on and families spread geographically, there’s something special about knowing that there’s kin elsewhere. And it’s even more uplifting to the soul when we can foster these relationships.

I’ve referenced our Bruce and Findlay cousins that we’ve connected with on Ella’s side, but I also wanted to give a shout-out to the McRae and Inglish cousins who have reached out as well, through this blog. We're glad to be in touch!

……….

It was perhaps about 2 years ago that I was asking Grandma Ella: Your father, George Findlay, was the oldest of 11 children (though just 7 of them lived to adulthood).(1) Where in the world did they all end up? And their children? I had heard about her father and one sister who had emigrated to America, and about the youngest brother who settled in New Zealand. But the others? We had cousins that we might not know about! And any still in Aberdeen?

Ella had emigrated from Aberdeen to the United States with her family in 1949 when she was 15, and at the time these were one-way boat tickets.(2). Now in America, even having a telephone in their home in Arizona in the late 1940s and early 1950s was such an unimaginable luxury, let alone calling overseas on one. I suppose there was letter writing, but Ella unfortunately fell out of touch with much of the extended family. And time passed on. Who would have thought that someday traveling would be what it is, and even that communication methods would advance so greatly?

As time passed on, it made sense that Ella’s father’s younger siblings would have children, that there would still family in her homeland as well as elsewhere in the world.

In the late 1990s, one of Ella’s first cousins visited them in Utah, coming from New Zealand. Cousin JF and his family! This was the first time they had ever met in person.

Then fast forward to early 2015: I received a message through this blog, a note from that same Cousin JF in New Zealand, which then kicked off an email correspondence that continues. He knew the answer to my question about where all the Findlay siblings and cousins ended up. And we were excited to hear that he was in touch with many of them!

On our May 2017 to Aberdeen, we finally met some of Ella's first cousins in person: We visited Cousin DD at her home, and Cousin CS joined us for dessert at our hotel’s restaurant. Upon that initial glance (at least for someone super sentimental, like myself!), it was as if they were instantly familiar. And we hugged as if we were reawakening a relationship that had simply been dormant. It was a mini family reunion!

Left Photo: KF, Cousin DD, BR, Ella; Right Photo: Ella and Cousin CS

As you can imagine, during our time together we showed photographs of our families, we shared some of Grandma Ella’s prominent memories of common ancestors, and we enjoyed getting to know each other a little bit more.

Ella's parents Kate and George (on the far right)
on their wedding day in 1927 with George's siblings (left to right, Carrie, Alec, Ethel)

George Findlay's siblings (left to right): Madge, Ethel, Jack, Lizzie, Carrie (we think!) (3)

Ella (bottom right) with older sister Ina
(bottom left) with their Aunt Madge (back right)
and a friend (back left)

Cousin CS said that our visit had prompted her to revisit and sort through some photographs and documents that she inherited when her older sister had passed away.(4)

Our breaths were taken away when she showed us the first photograph: Ella’s parents (Kate and George Findlay) holding Ralph and Ella’s twin babies Bruce and Bonnie, out in front of Ralph and Ella’s home in Wilmington, California, in 1953. Then a realization: I assume that it was Kate Findlay (Ursula Katherine Bruce Beattie) who was keeping in touch with this family so far away, sending letters with photographs, and sharing the joy of their first grandchildren and the first great grandchildren of the Findlay family (and the novelty of twins!).

Ella's parents, Kate and George Findlay,
holding twin grandchildren Bonnie (left) and Bruce (right),
Wilmington, California - 1954

This was likely a photograph that Kate Findlay sent to her in-laws, George and Charlesina Findlay, and perhaps she sent some to her husband’s siblings as well (was this particular photo sent to Cousin CS’s mother?) In fact, Cousin MM, also in Aberdeen but whom we didn’t meet in person on this trip as she was on holiday, mentioned over email that she remembers seeing photos of her relatives in America, shown to her by Grandpa George Findlay.

Ralph and Ella marveling at the photo of Ella's parents
with their twin babies

What a thrill to think that on the other side of the world, these relatives grew up with a vague awareness of their extended family. And now, Cousin CS was meeting one of the twins shown in that picture. (Note: Ella’s older sister, Ina, I learned, was in closer contact with some of the extended Findlay family, and Ella was in touch with some of the other cousins years ago. But it can be easy to fall out of touch!)

……….

As I reflect back on the interactions with these cousins, I'm amazed at how Ella’s mother made such an effort to keep in touch with family, even sending photos to the other side of the world. It seems that those family connections were so important to her.

We're grateful for new technology and for the internet that is reconnecting us.  We’re grateful for family stories that were told about these photos - for example: the photo of Kate and George holding the twins was unmarked, without names or dates on the back. And we’re grateful for mementos that were stashed away in a box and saved until a later time. In the current craze of minimalism and purging of belongings (or is this just a fad in America?), it’s significant to know that these items remain and that made for some meaningful icing on the cake for our visit.

We look forward to more family reunions, both virtual as well as face-to-face!

..........

Notes:

1. See footnote #3 for the list of all 11 children, here: http://greatflyingscots.blogspot.com/2016/09/meet-charlesina-smith-love-findlay-1883.html
2. Read more about their emigration story here: http://greatflyingscots.blogspot.com/2014/10/across-oceans-and-continents_27.html
3. Ella did her best to try to identify her aunts and uncles in the photos. Is what's listed in the photo captions correct?
4. For details of another document that Cousin CS shared with us, check out this blog post: http://greatflyingscots.blogspot.com/2017/05/john-mcdonald-and-ursilla-katherine.html

To Generations Past, Present, and Future

While we were visiting Aberdeen with Ralph and Ella this past fall, I took the opportunity to deliver a tribute speech to Ella and her family. This was on 1 October 2014. I had originally written this for a public speaking class I was taking at the time, and it seemed appropriate to share it while we were sitting on a bench overlooking the River Dee. 

Although it's a tribute to generations past, it's also meant as a call to action for present and future generations, that "we too can do great things, GREAT THINGS, that will influence, for good, generations to come."

..............................

"They're just trying to break our morale down," her mother would tell them when the air-raid sirens would go off, and the German Luftwaffe airplanes would start coming through. This was usually at night between 10 and 11 pm. Her parents, sister, and herself would jump into what they called siren suits (knit jumpsuits with a hood) and head to the bomb shelter that was built behind their tenement building. There they would wait until the "OK" signal was sounded.

This is what life was like for my grandmother during WWII in Aberdeen, Scotland.

After so many times of heading down to the shelter, especially on those harsh winter nights, Grandma's mother, declared (and I wish I could imitate her Scottish brogue!): "We'll sooner die of pneumonia than from a bomb." For the rest of the war, they would instead crouch under their kitchen  table - with pillows to rest their heads - when the sirens would sound, rather than in that cold and damp bunker.

Grandma was 5 years old when the war started in 1939. Throughout the 6 years of the war, until 1945, Aberdeen had 32 air raids (which doesn't sound like too many over 6 years) but they had 364 air raid warnings. In total, 365 bombs fell in their city. (Source)

The worst of it was the night of April 21, 1943, when between 40-50 bombers flew over Aberdeen. Those planes, coming from Norway, dropped 127 bombs, killed 125 people, and injured hundreds of others. (Source)

Was Grandma ever scared? She doesn't remember being so. Perhaps it was the naivete of youth, but most likely she was drawing upon the solidarity of her stalwart parents. They had such a strong faith in God, believing that they would be protected and all would be OK.

And protected they were. One story Grandma shares is of her father who was working late one night at the harbor fixing the trawler fishing boats. It was about 9pm, and his friends at work had gotten off the boat and invited him to join them at the pub. He said, 'Nope, I'm going home.' Tragically, that night, a bomb dropped on the pub and several of his friends were killed.

Grandma recalls a few other war experiences quite vividly:

• One day walking home from school, a German plane was flying incredibly low...and during the day. Usually they only flew over at night. But it was eerie how low he was, and Grandma could clearly see the iron cross emblem on the airplane's tail.
• A member of their church congregation had shards of glass embedded in her arms when a bomb dropped in her neighborhood. The blast of the bomb blew out the windows and sprayed the glass everywhere. She suffered from that injury for quite some time.
• Her parents sent her to stay on a farm in the countryside for a couple months one summer, to keep her safe outside of the city. One night, she and her host family watched what seemed like fireworks in the sky, but it was really probably the British artillery on the ground firing toward German bombers overhead. She wasn't worried for her own welfare; she was far enough out in the country that the planes didn't bother go there. But she was worried about her parents and older sister back home. 

"The Scots are tough," Grandma says. They certainly are!

These ancestors of ours continued to tap into those reserves of strength and toughness as they needed additional courage to face future challenges. 

You see, before war broke out, they were making plans to emigrate to America. They would leave their homeland, their family and friends and occupations, the comfort of a communal culture, to buy one-way tickets on an ocean liner.

It wasn’t fame or fortune that called to them...but religion.

Before the war, they had converted to the Mormon faith, which was a relatively unknown Christian religion in Scotland at the time. What was most important to them now was this faith, and they wanted to be close to others who believed similarly.

Although I have grown up as and am an actively practicing Mormon, I am in awe, and humbled, by the sacrifices our ancestors made, to more fully live what they believe.

Selling virtually all that they owned and traveling essentially with the clothes on their back, they waved goodbye to family as they boarded the train that took them to the ship harbor. Grandma was now 15 years old. The journey was so expensive and they had saved for so many years, they didn’t know if they’d ever return to their homeland. These were one-way tickets.

America didn’t necessarily offer them greener pastures, either literally (they settled in Arizona, after all) or figuratively: It’s no small task to start a new life from scratch. And they were sometimes ridiculed for their accent, and treated as second class citizens. 

Why did they do all this? I think about this often. The conclusion that I’ve come to is that I believe they had a vision of the future, of how their sacrifices would benefit generations to come. We are now standing on their shoulders.

We have that same blood coursing through our veins. And we can tap into that same strength and determination. We too can trust in God, and that he has a plan for our lives and he will direct us as we seek to know that plan. We can have courage in the face of hardships, as we ourselves face oceans and continents that separate us from our final destinations, and as we may sometimes find ourselves as strangers in a strange land.

We too can do great things, GREAT THINGS, that will influence, for good, generations to come.

..............................

Why Do Family History? Because It's the Stories That Bind Us

Image Source

"If you want a happier family, create, refine and retell the story of your family’s positive moments and your ability to bounce back from the difficult ones. That act alone may increase the odds that your family will thrive for many generations to come." (1)

This past year, we started a new tradition in our family: For each family member's birthday, I plaster a wall in our kitchen with photos of that family member ... photos of them doing things they enjoy, photos of them with friends or family, vacations, and us in front of meaningful places and meaningful events.

My objective in doing this is to celebrate that family member, to let them visually see that they are SO loved and valued by friends and family, near and far. And also, to let them know that they are part of something bigger as they learn insights into who their family is and where they're from.

This effort is part sentimental, part my desire to create lasting traditions with my young family, but it was also inspired by several articles I've read recently about the importance of family history and family stories.

Check just two of these headlines:

• From the Washington Post: Study shows "Teen's knowledge of family history a sign of social-emotional health"
• From the American Psychological Association: "Knowledge of family history as a clinically useful index of psychological well being and prognosis"

What's the common theme among these articles? What is the research showing about family stories? That Children who grow up knowing details of their family history have higher self esteem, greater coping skills, and are happier. Sign me up!

What is it about knowing family stories that can have such a hugely positive effect on a child's development of self?

Let's define what we mean by "family stories" and then explore what is it about knowing family stories that can have such a hugely positive effect on a child's development of self?

These stories can be as simple as sharing memories from when you were growing up. Or stories you share with your child from when they were young, before they can remember. Or it can be things that tie you together, like genetic similarities. It's traditions. It's sentences that start with "Remember that time we... [fill in the blank]."

Or these can be grander stories - such as major struggles, stories of tragedy and loss, and how you overcame it all. An immigrant story.These stories tell children about who they are and where they came from.

Psychologists from Emory University developed a scale of 20 questions to assess how much teens knew about their family history, and in the summer of 2001 they asked these questions to four dozen families.

The types of questions on this scale are pretty simple in nature, but these are things that would have happened before they were born, so the children would have been told, or read, or learned these details from another indirect source.  For example:

• Do you know where your parents grew up?
• Do you know where your parents met?
• Do you know the story behind how you got your name?
• Do you know some of the lessons that your parents learned from good or bad experiences?

The psychologists behind this study were overwhelmed with the results: The more the teens knew about their family's history, the more they exhibited a host of positive outcomes,including greater self-esteem, a stronger belief that they can positively influence their future, fewer behavioral problems, more resilience in the face of hardship, better academic performance, and better relationships with their parents.

The research shows that family stories help shape a person's identity and are a predictor of their emotional health and happiness.

So what is it about knowing family stories that can have such a positive effect? It's not simply knowing the answers to the questions on that survey.

It's the process by which these things come to be known, not the content that is the critical factor. It's talking and listening. It's regularly spending time together over a period of many years ... at family dinners, vacations, holiday gatherings, etc, and if possible, at gatherings where multiple generations are present. It's a child's sense of being part of  a larger family.

Family stories can inspire us, protect us, and bind us to others. And as one author put it: "If you want a happier family, create, refine and retell the story of your family’s positive moments and your ability to bounce back from the difficult ones. That act alone may increase the odds that your family will thrive for many generations to come." (2)

And what if you don't have children of your own? Learn these family stories for your own sake. Or share with siblings, cousins, nieces and nephews. Only positive things can come from it!

..........

Notes:

1. Feiler, Bruce. "The Stories That Bind Us." The New York Times. The New York Times, 16 Mar. 2013. Web. 9 May 2014.
2. Ibid.